Daycare aka "school"

Well Maddie,


We went to your daycare today to drop off diapers and formula for your first day which is next Monday.  I've been having a difficult time knowing that I am going back to work and will have to take you to daycare.  It's been rough.  I always wanted to be a stay at home Mommy but sometimes things just don't work out the way you plan.  I want you to have the best life you can have and that means bringing in a little extra money so that we can live easier as a family.  Not to worry, I will be there to pick you up early every day and we have Friday's off together...a three day weekend every weekend which I am really looking forward to my little love bug. 


I just want you to know how much I love you and have enjoyed your first nine weeks of life together.  It's been extremely rewarding and special to me to watch you grow and get to know you as a little girl.  I have surprised myself.  I know your cries.  I know exactly what you want 99% of the time.  My favorite experience so far has been seeing you smile.  When you smile it means you're happy and that means that I'm doing my job.  I want you to be as happy as you can be my sweet girl.  Your crooked grins and gummy smiles mean everything to me.  Your first smile caught me by surprise in your hospital room with a breathing tube in your little nose and I have been trying to get you to smile ever since.  All I have to do is talk in a high pitch voice and occasionally stroke your cheek or poke your belly and the grins start.  The crinkle of your little nose is the added bonus.  I live for your crinkled nose smiles.  They make my heart melt.  I've enjoyed dressing you over these last few weeks too.  Little girl clothes are just part of what I looked forward to when I found out I was having a girl.  It's been a lot of fun.  I enjoy feeding you your bottles too.  I usually feed you six out of your eight bottles a day.  It's special bonding time for us.  We lock eyes a lot of the time, especially now that you've become interested in faces.  A lot of times you smile at me while you are eating and formula spills from either side of your little mouth.  And...you love the ceiling fan.  You smile at it all of the time and even coo at it.  I always think you flirt with it because you smile and bat your eyelashes!  You stare at it for minutes on end.  You've started sleeping in longer stretches during the night.  As happy as I thought I would be to gain a little more sleep I am sad to not have our little bottle feeding pow-wow's at 3 AM.  Anytime I get to spend with you is special...even the middle of the night. 


These are just a few of the things I will miss the thirty hours a week I am away from you.  It's hard as your Mommy to trust strangers at a daycare to have a part in your life.  You are my most cherished possession. I want nothing but the very best for you.  Your Daddy has been great at keeping positive and told me that we should refer to your daycare as school from now on instead of daycare.  I hate the word daycare.  I just want you to know that I love you.  This is the hardest thing I have had to do so far as a Mommy but we interviewed many daycares and I feel this is the best place for you.  I hate to leave you.  I just keep looking forward to 3:00 on Monday when I get to walk in to your school and see you after being away from you for eight hours and take you home. I hope you'll have a smile for me, I know I'll have a big one for you!


I love you so so so much Maddie.


Mommy